Guys, I can’t even begin to explain how much all the love you showed after my blog post meant to me. You always know exactly how to lift me up when I need it most. THANK YOU. I often fear I leave this space for too long and will come back to silence, but you are some of the most loyal blog readers I could ever ask for. Thank you for that, too.
Basically, just know I am so very grateful for each and every one of you ❤
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In some not so great news, after over two weeks of not feeling well, I’m heading to Hopkins tomorrow (Tuesday) to see if they can figure out what’s going on.
I’m coughing up more mucus – well, coughing more, period – and I have a deep ache in my chest. Despite doubling up on treatments – a process that takes three to four hours a day – I still don’t feel as well as I should. Better maybe, but not great.
(That pic up there? That’s me and my VEST – a form of airway clearance. We’ve become pretty close lately. Maybe I should name it – suggestions welcome.)
Doubling my treatments means meds and work alone takes up 12 hours of my day. Not eating, not sleeping, not doing regular household things, not spending time with Mike – just meds and work. And I might be a little less grumpy if it was helping, but It’s frustrating to work twice as hard to feel only half as good.
But what’s weighing on me most heavily is the fear that’s always in the back of my mind: What if this is it? What if this is my new normal? What if I don’t get to feel better than this?
Because that’s what cystic fibrosis is. A progressive disease that no matter what I do gets worse with time.
I know that kind of thinking doesn’t do any good. So instead I’m telling myself this is just a hiccup. Some extra gunk that needs clearing out. A bacteria they can treat. And with some time I’ll get back to feeling like myself.