Turning Fear into Motivation

This past Thursday was my tri-monthly Hopkins appointment. I never know how to feel leading up to these. Part of me looks forward to it, hoping my lung function will have gone up and I can know that what I’m doing is working.

The other part of me – the bigger part – is always scared. Scared that my lung function will have slipped. That I’ll culture some weird bacteria, requiring additional meds or, even worse, a round of IVs.

I give myself a pep talk in the car on the way there, listing all the things I can do to improve if the numbers aren’t what I want. And Mike comes to every appointment, always my biggest cheerleader, assuring me that it will be okay, whatever the news. (I’m lucky to have a guy like him, huh?)

At my checkup in November I had the highest lung function in about four years – 75%.

Unfortunately it didn’t stay there, measuring 72% this time. My doctor wasn’t concerned, explaining that a fluctuation┬áthat small isn’t significant. I could come in the next day and my lung function could read 75% again.

But still. I let the fear creep in.

This time last year my lung function had slowly fallen to 60%, requiring that I do a round of IVs. The last thing I want to start seeing is another slow decline.

After a few tears and a chat with my doctor, I felt better. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to feel motivated. Part of the reason I left my job was so I could spend some time focusing on my health. 2012 was a stressful year, and I want to make sure I’m as healthy as I can be for any opportunities that lie ahead.

While I’m doing my meds better than I ever have, I need to work on getting exercise in – an important part of my CF care. So this week I started back at the gym – just walking on the treadmill for now, three times a week, with some weights thrown in. And a weekly class at Charm City Yoga to focus on my breathing. I’m also going to start doing one of my treatments twice a day instead of just once.

I’m confident that my hard work will pay off at my next appointment. But if you could send some healthy vibes my way, it wouldn’t hurt ­čśë

Any tips/tricks to keep yourself motivated to workout? (Or any song recommendations to pump myself up at the gym?) Comment below!