In a couple of hours I’ll be at Hopkins, waiting to find out if my lung function has gone up enough that we can take the picc line out.

And I’m REALLY nervous.

What if these two weeks didn’t do the trick?

What if it has to stay in longer?

What if my lung function isn’t what I’ve hoped?

It’s those damn “what ifs” again. Each time one pops in my head, I answer with: Then you work harder. A few more days is manageable. And at least I’m feeling BETTER.

That last one is the most important. The change has been gradual, but last night, as Mike and I were setting up the last IV treatment for the day, I decided to take a deeeeeep breath and push it out as hard and as long as I could. Just like what I’ll have to do today, when they take my PFTs (pulmonary function test).

And guess what? It felt DIFFERENT. And GOOD. BETTER.

So even if my lung function isn’t quite where I want. Even if the picc line has to stay for a few more days. I’m letting the fact that I’m feeling better give me HOPE.

And when those doubts creep in, that’s what I cling to. Hope.

I’ll be back to let you know the results. In the meantime, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words of support and encouragement and love. THAT’S what’s helped get me through.


10 thoughts on “Hope

  1. Always thinking about you!! Thanks for the updates. I love the word Hope…it’s all we can do. Good luck and I’m thinking and praying for you…always.

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