Stress and the CF’er

I’m finding that when I’m on top of my treatments it’s easier for me to get frustrated with normal life occurrences. I become upset faster, erupt quicker, and just generally become sour. That’s not a me that I’m very fond of. (And I’m sure Mike, and others around me, don’t enjoy it, either.)

While keeping up with my meds makes me feel good… and productive… and less stressed about CF, everything else is harder to balance. Work, gym, friends, etc. Thus, when one of those goes a little haywire I tend to freak out more easily.

It’s as if all of my energy is focused on taking care of my CF so I have nothing left when something else becomes difficult.

Today’s been a rough day. The main culprit being work, which is incredibly stressful at the moment and will be for the next two or three weeks. (I wish I could go into more detail but am leaving work out of this blog.)

Along with that are some concerns about money because of upcoming events. Add on the “to do” list of things I need to get done in my personal life: laundry, errands, refilling meds, etc. and I feel like I might drown.

I’m not explaining this well.

When I re-read the things that are upsetting me, it doesn’t seem like much. And for the old Katharine, the one that wasn’t taking care of herself and just carried on like any other 25-year-old, it probably wouldn’t be.

But I’m adjusting to having to figure out when I’ll get my meds done, go to the gym, get adequate sleep. And still manage to somehow have some fun. That alone has been stressful the past few weeks, but manageable.

I used to slack on things like the gym and sleep, but if I want to keep myself as healthy as I can be, that’s really not a choice. And the things that end up suffering are things I enjoy, like visiting with friends, going to a DG alumni event, reading a book before bed – I’m finding that hard to accept. (Which only worsens my mood.)

I’m sure as I get used to the routine of things and working my treatments into my schedule it will become easier, but right now I’m struggling. Or at least struggling when other parts of my life seem out of control.

When that happens the anger comes. The “why me” and “this is so unfair” and “I just want to be normal!” Those aren’t feelings I’m proud of. It’s all too easy to fall to pieces and throw a pity party, but that’s not productive.

I have cystic fibrosis and that means doing certain not-so-fun things. It means getting up earlier to do my meds, making sure I have all my CF-related paraphernalia when I leave for work, scheduling my evening around time-consuming treatments, and dealing with a higher than normal stress level.

I can do it. I know I can. It’s just going to be hard. I might have some moments of weakness where I scream and cry and yell. And I need to remember that that’s okay.

Because tomorrow is another day and another chance to get things right.

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12 thoughts on “Stress and the CF’er

  1. Oh boy, I definitely hear you on this one and I don’t have anything near like what you do…but I find in general balancing all that we have to do and the things we should do such as eating healthy and going to gym- there is almost no time left for anything fun or relaxing! I have trouble with my stomach and when I eat certain foods it bothers me more. I find when I get restrictive my stomach feels better but the rest of me is crazy stressed trying to read labels, think of new ideas, explain to friends what restaurants I can/can’t go to etc etc! It is enough to make anyone crazy. I definitely don’t know how you do it and I don’t think you should get down on yourself for having “why me” thoughts sometimes!
    I hope tomorrow is a better day!

  2. Kat, I can only imagine how hard this is for you. It’s not fair, but yes, you must deal with it and move forward with life as it must be.
    You are very brave, and just putting these things out for people to see is just amazing.
    You will get through this tough time, and you will be stronger for it.
    Know you have many people rooting for you to thrive, and know you can do it!!!!

  3. I know you can do it girl. It isn’t fair and so many times I find myself asking God WHY, why, why about certain things. I am so sure that you do the same, as I have done the same thinking of you. You are so strong, and I think the hardest part of routine is getting into one. Once you are in it, remind yourself that it makes things easier, keeps you healthier, and will benefit you in the long run. Everyday you follow that routine is one step to keeping you healthier, and one day closer to a cure!

  4. And you always have your friends to vent to! We don’t mind at all, that’s one of the great things about friends, you can just write an email full of anger or have a conversation where you just need to let it all out! Don’t forget that, I know I’ve had my fair share of vent fests! 🙂

    Hang in there! Like you said tomorrow is another day and I’ll bet it will be much better 🙂 xoxo

  5. Hang in there! I know that’s easier said than done sometimes, but you are a strong and compassionate woman! Don’t feel bad about venting, either. If you feel supported in this community, then PLEASE utilize it!

    I hope tomorrow is better 🙂

  6. I completely hear you. Sometimes something in our lives is so overwhelming, that even the little things that are outside of that situation suddenly seems so much bigger. It’s like that one situation has magnified any other stresses times ten. It’s the feeling of when it rains, it pours. But know that the rain will stop at some point – and on the other side, it’ll be good to be proud that through it all, you’ve taken care of your health! As hard as it is to accept, I constantly have to remind myself that I can’t do the fun things with the hubby or friends if I don’t take care of myself first. It’s hard to do that!

  7. I am sorry you’re having a bad day. I hate bad days and I wish they just didn’t exist. You have a large amount of stuff on your plate, I think it’s amazing you hold up as well as you do. You are a fantastic individual and this too will pass. 🙂 Hang in there!

  8. Just keep taking it one day at a time and everything will fall into place. It’s tough but you’re totally up for the challenge. I don’t think anyone could handle things as well as you do.

    Keep trying to maintain a schedule and soon it will become a regular routine.

    PS: Crying, screaming, and yelling helps and is totally allowed. 😉 Punching a pillow is also acceptable and counts as a workout too.

  9. “And the things that end up suffering are things I enjoy…..reading a book before bed”.

    You might enjoy it better if you had a kindle.

  10. I am sorry you are having a tough time. I think it is great that you can let it all out here and just sort of get a release. I also think if you want to cry, just let it out. Don’t let it build until it explodes out of you. You are doing an amazing job and are very inspiring! I know you will make the best of your situation and be stronger day by day!

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